[ Viktor drops whatever he's doing when that text comes in because HELLO?? Viktor right now, wherever he is, probably his room, is just looking at his screen for entirely too long a time.
He finally remembers that he has to actually, you know, respond. ]
Well. Without having a forge to work in, I am not surprised you took to the gym. You should...be careful, Jayce, with your leg, I mean.
[ He worries. ] I certainly hope you did not take this at the gym and you are back in your apartment. [ He is also possessive, whoops. He didn't mean actually to send that, but there it is. Always showing itself just a little bit after everything they've been through. ]
I have heard that a massage does wonders for the body after a truly rigorous workout. There are plenty of places that might be able to help you with your aches if you have any. Though they might become a bit more...sensuous than what you are used to.
[ Don't think he doesn't notice the lack of muscle on you!! And that would probably lead to some soreness. ]
[He's always done more upper body based exercises anyway, purely because that's what forge work required. His thick thighs were more a byproduct of genetics, he's sure.]
No, I'm still at the gym, was going to hit up the sauna now. I've never gotten a massage before, actually. The heat from a sauna should do the trick, sweat out all the soreness.
[Is he teasing on purpose, or is he... actually oblivious to what Viktor's trying to get at? The debate Viktor's surely had with himself over Jayce's answers for the past seven years.]
There is a fair amount. [ Which Jayce must be in heaven, all things considered. ]
More than I had expected, truth be told. Some places even hold mages in high regard. It is refreshing to see magic embraced and not shunned. But I suspect its effects on the environment are not so steep.
[ Viktor biting his lip on his end. Goddamn it, Jayce! ]
If you are still cursed, then it would be best for us to do this in the privacy of my room.
[ There is nothing suggestive about that offer at all!! ]
There's a lot we could learn from some of these mages. About their worlds, and maybe even how they use their magic in more environmentally friendly ways.
[Not that... there might even be a way to use that knowledge. But...]
I am still cursed. Good idea. Don't want to be drawing everyone's attention in the sauna with all my moaning! Ha ha.
There is. The possibilities with the knowledge that we might gather from them here could be endless. Varying applications, varying runic combinations. There are so many things to be explored and experimented with...
[ Well. It certainly doesn't matter back home now, does it? Unless there was a way for them to get back, that is. But they could always dabble in such things here. ]
I would not want anyone to see you in such a state by my hand. [ Typed extremely seriously as he is staring at his watch. ]
I would not want anyone to get any ideas. [ There's that possessiveness again, whoops! ]
[He doesn't respond to the first part of the message, a deeper guilt haunting him about not wanting to go back to doing experiments. He hasn't told Viktor that yet. Fortunately, Viktor's follow up messages means he can stop thinking about it entirely for now.]
Oh.
[And because miscommunication is their bread and butter, Jayce mistakenly thinks Viktor's implying he doesn't want others to see them together in a sexual context. A "not in front of them" moment.]
[ Viktor doesn't realize what he's typed might be misconstrued in such a way by Jayce, but miscommunication is their bread and butter, so it's really to be expected from them both. The only reason he would never want people to see them together in a sexual context is because of the embarrassment he would have towards himself more than anything. ]
No need to rush, Jayce. Whenever you are ready, I will be here.
[That should be enough for him to get some sauna time in, clear his head, and definitely not obsess over all the different ways Viktor could have meant what he said, and also everything Viktor's ever said to him before this.
...Needless to say, he spends the whole time fretting. When he finally arrives at Viktor's door, he's in a robe, towel over his shoulders, and in a comfortable pair of slippers, as if he just came from a shower rather than trekked halfway across the hotel like this.]
[ Viktor answers the door and will just pause with a sharp intake of air even if he doesn't have to breathe. He's in his usual garb of a long draping robe that sufficiently covers his entire person. Jayce standing outside his door, looking like that is...well, it certainly is something. It certainly does something to him, leaves little to the imagination. Viktor realizes he hasn't actually said anything and is literally just staring again, shit. He quickly turns away and motions for Jayce to follow him inside. Never mind the burning heat radiating off his cheeks. ]
Would you like something to drink? Tea, water, or should we get started? [ A pause. ]
Judging by the way you are dressed, I assume you are anxious. Or perhaps excited to get started. [ Viktor please leave this man alone!! ] But there is nothing to worry about. It might hurt a bit at first but I promise I will be gentle.
[He should probably go for water, dehydrated as he is, but he loves the way Viktor makes tea. As he enters into Viktor's apartment, he looks around, watching how he cares for it. If it has the telltale signs of Viktor's presence, in the same way the lab did, or if he's only here infrequently. Does Viktor even need to sleep? There's things about him now he doesn't know for sure.
As for what he does once in, he flops semi-carelessly onto Viktor's bed, taking up nearly the whole thing with his spread out arms. He's not careful to keep his robe from slipping too high or off him in any place, and he's not wearing anything underneath it either. An intentional tease he's not going to draw attention to.]
I'm not worried. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose.
Tea it is. [ And Viktor will go get that started, a snort as he watches Jayce flop onto his bed like that. It's amusing, but Viktor can't help but look over his shoulder at Jayce fondly. ]
I would never dream of it... [ even if has hurt Jayce in the past. They have both hurt each other in the past, though, haven't they? He does come over to take a seat on the bed next to Jayce. There's a myriad of massage oils on the dresser next to said bed.
His eyes will stray towards the slipping of that robe, a thick swallow as he looks away. His hand will also stray closer to Jayce's, almost like an invitation. ]
And yet... [ and yet there are a good many things they have not spoken about in terms of hurting each other, isn't there? ]
[Jayce slides his pinky finger toward Viktor's hand, this still-shy dance they do around each other. Viktor should know by now he has no problem doing whatever is asked of him.
... Except maybe this subject Viktor keeps approaching. He can pick up the pieces enough of what Viktor's implying, and Jayce frowns, a little bit of irritation in his brow as he pushes himself up on his elbows.]
We don't have to talk about it. We both did things we regret, can't we just... pretend it didn't happen? Move on?
[ Viktor's eyes sharpen at that as he looks away and frowns as brows knit together. His hand instinctively curls into the bed sheets as he lets out a soft scoff at Jayce's words. ]
That would be ideal, would it not? I do wish that it were that simple, Jayce. But I know of it. I know what I have done not just to you but to all those people...and you want me to simply forget it in the first place?
[ And here he will wince as that familiar headache returns, one that has persisted since his arrival here and only conjures images of his face splitting into two. He will bring a hand to his temple as those thousands of voices screaming out their dreams, their desires, ring in his head. ]
I do not think this place is that forgiving to allow me that. I do not think I am allowed to have such things either.
[He’s sitting up more fully now, the tone of the conversation shifting to the point where having it horizontal seemed disrespectful.]
We’re in a new place, with new people. No one knows us here, or knows what we’ve done. We could start over completely.
[Jayce sees Viktor wince, presumably some sort of headache from the argument they’re most certainly about to have, but Jayce doesn’t let up.]
I’m trying to put Piltover behind me because otherwise I’m going to drive myself crazy. I’m…
[He unclenches his jaw, feeling tension building in him too. His leg aches and he stares hard at it, even though it had felt fine moments ago. A psychosomatic reaction, probably. He huffs, frustrated and feeling himself closing off.]
I’m trying to be someone you still want to be around. I tell myself it’s not worth thinking about all the details because being anywhere with you is where I want to be. What do you want me to say? That I have to sleep with the lights on, because if I wake up in the complete dark, I think I’m back inside that ravine? That if I eat something too slimy, I immediately have to throw up? Sometimes my leg hurts so bad I just want to cut it off. Do you want me to blame you for all of that? Do you blame me for everything I’ve done to you?
I. I am trying to put it behind me as well, Jayce. [ But the voices, the visions, the nightmares keep reminding him daily of his past transgressions. ]
Someone I want to be around? How can you think that I don't? Even after everything we have done to one another, my feelings for you are still the same. I could never blame you for what you have done. [ He had made a promise to the Mage after all. To another him to do what needed to be done. To protect innocent people from getting hurt. ]
There is no one else but you for me, here or back home. However, I do not feel like I am someone you should want to be around either. [ There is so much hurt in his voice as he says it. ]
Maybe you should blame me. [ It slips out before he can even stop himself. He looks back over at Jayce with those eyes swirling with blues and grays. Blame him because he deserves it, because he needs to feel like some of the blame is his, and the pain and suffering he's caused Jayce is a sin he has to atone for here. ]
If it were not for the mage...if it were not for me- [ a thick swallow as his hexcorized hand reaches out to lightly touch Jayce's leg. ] -your leg, your mind, neither would be in such a state.
[ More than that, the cycle of pain, violence, and heartbreak would not have been continuous either. ]
I do not feel like I am someone you should want to be around because of these things. But I. I need you. When you are near the voices, the visions, the nightmares are not as...they are not as severe. The headaches... [ He just gives Jayce's this weary, tired look. ]
Because I wouldn’t want to be around me, if I was you!
[He doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but he says it so suddenly it surprises even him. It’s all Jayce’s fault, after all. Viktor had warned him the Hexcore was dangerous, and Jayce is the one who not only failed to destroy it, but made it a part of Viktor’s body. How could he blame Viktor for what he did, when Jayce is the reason any of it happened?]
You wanted to help people, and I couldn’t let you go— I was so desperate to not lose you I— I corrupted your dream. [Viktor’s beautiful dream. The commune. The plants. It all could have worked, if they had done things just a little differently. If Jayce hadn’t insisted they follow the Council’s orders for seven years, and instead they jumped right to doing something actually useful and meaningful to people. No fucking around with Hexgates or lasers. Just plants. Peaceful living. It could have worked.]
How could I blame you when I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me?
[Viktor touches his leg so gently, and Jayce finally drags his eyes up to Viktor’s own. He laughs once, humorlessly. Everything feels like a cruel joke.]
What a pair. You think you’re selfish for wanting to be around me, and I thought I was selfish for wanting the same.
[ There's an almost imperceptible twitch of Viktor's fingers at that shout from the other. Not unused to such things from Jayce, he doesn't move from his spot but only turns to look at Jayce more fully. His hand is wavering as he raises it to gently cup Jayce's cheek. ]
We both lost sight of what our dream was supposed to be. We both failed to notice that our dream was doomed from the very start. The Council would never have allowed for any of it. Picking who to blame will not change what has happened. But I created the hexcore to begin with, and in my desire to try and live, to cheat death, it changed me. My obsession with the hexcore allowed it to fully utilize that to its advantage over me. The dream it showed me was not a dream I would ever have wanted. The commune it was...it was horrifying. I. I did not help anyone; I only hurt and took from them.
[ Took from them the same things that had been taken from him his entire life, choice. Perhaps in a perfect world, it would have been different; it could have worked if things hadn't gone as horribly wrong as they had. ]
How could you ever think that I would not want to look at the man who has only ever seen me? [ He will slowly caress Jayce's cheek with his metallic thumb, that thrumming in his chest coming alive once again. ]
We are quite the selfish pair, but we are somehow managing. Not as, eh, bad as I would have imagined either. [ And here he will press his forehead against Jayce's, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief second as he speaks. ]
My dream...our dream, it all meant nothing without you.
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text;
A follow up message:]
They have a decent gym here.
text;
He finally remembers that he has to actually, you know, respond. ]
Well. Without having a forge to work in, I am not surprised you took to the gym. You should...be careful, Jayce, with your leg, I mean.
[ He worries. ] I certainly hope you did not take this at the gym and you are back in your apartment. [ He is also possessive, whoops. He didn't mean actually to send that, but there it is. Always showing itself just a little bit after everything they've been through. ]
I have heard that a massage does wonders for the body after a truly rigorous workout. There are plenty of places that might be able to help you with your aches if you have any. Though they might become a bit more...sensuous than what you are used to.
[ Don't think he doesn't notice the lack of muscle on you!! And that would probably lead to some soreness. ]
no subject
[He's always done more upper body based exercises anyway, purely because that's what forge work required. His thick thighs were more a byproduct of genetics, he's sure.]
No, I'm still at the gym, was going to hit up the sauna now. I've never gotten a massage before, actually. The heat from a sauna should do the trick, sweat out all the soreness.
[Is he teasing on purpose, or is he... actually oblivious to what Viktor's trying to get at? The debate Viktor's surely had with himself over Jayce's answers for the past seven years.]
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[ He is debating this as he reads that message over again. ]
Never? I find that surprising. Sometimes...when the pain was bad enough and I could afford to do so, it would help my hip, back, and leg.
I could...show you. [ He's glad this is text only because boy, he sure is red. ]
So that you know what types of massages would be of benefit to you.
[ Yep. That's all this is, and definitely not an excuse to do anything else! ]
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I never had a medical need for it before, even after exercise, so it never occurred to me to get one.
I'd like to know which ones you mean. Should I wait at the sauna, or should I go to your room?
[ :) :) :) ]
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More than I had expected, truth be told. Some places even hold mages in high regard. It is refreshing to see magic embraced and not shunned. But I suspect its effects on the environment are not so steep.
[ Viktor biting his lip on his end. Goddamn it, Jayce! ]
If you are still cursed, then it would be best for us to do this in the privacy of my room.
[ There is nothing suggestive about that offer at all!! ]
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[Not that... there might even be a way to use that knowledge. But...]
I am still cursed. Good idea. Don't want to be drawing everyone's attention in the sauna with all my moaning! Ha ha.
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[ Well. It certainly doesn't matter back home now, does it? Unless there was a way for them to get back, that is. But they could always dabble in such things here. ]
I would not want anyone to see you in such a state by my hand. [ Typed extremely seriously as he is staring at his watch. ]
I would not want anyone to get any ideas. [ There's that possessiveness again, whoops! ]
no subject
Oh.
[And because miscommunication is their bread and butter, Jayce mistakenly thinks Viktor's implying he doesn't want others to see them together in a sexual context. A "not in front of them" moment.]
Yeah. Okay.
I'll be there soon.
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No need to rush, Jayce. Whenever you are ready, I will be here.
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[That should be enough for him to get some sauna time in, clear his head, and definitely not obsess over all the different ways Viktor could have meant what he said, and also everything Viktor's ever said to him before this.
...Needless to say, he spends the whole time fretting. When he finally arrives at Viktor's door, he's in a robe, towel over his shoulders, and in a comfortable pair of slippers, as if he just came from a shower rather than trekked halfway across the hotel like this.]
Hey, V.
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Would you like something to drink? Tea, water, or should we get started? [ A pause. ]
Judging by the way you are dressed, I assume you are anxious. Or perhaps excited to get started. [ Viktor please leave this man alone!! ] But there is nothing to worry about. It might hurt a bit at first but I promise I will be gentle.
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[He should probably go for water, dehydrated as he is, but he loves the way Viktor makes tea. As he enters into Viktor's apartment, he looks around, watching how he cares for it. If it has the telltale signs of Viktor's presence, in the same way the lab did, or if he's only here infrequently. Does Viktor even need to sleep? There's things about him now he doesn't know for sure.
As for what he does once in, he flops semi-carelessly onto Viktor's bed, taking up nearly the whole thing with his spread out arms. He's not careful to keep his robe from slipping too high or off him in any place, and he's not wearing anything underneath it either. An intentional tease he's not going to draw attention to.]
I'm not worried. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose.
[Unlike Jayce. Who would hurt Viktor on purpose.]
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I would never dream of it... [ even if has hurt Jayce in the past. They have both hurt each other in the past, though, haven't they? He does come over to take a seat on the bed next to Jayce. There's a myriad of massage oils on the dresser next to said bed.
His eyes will stray towards the slipping of that robe, a thick swallow as he looks away. His hand will also stray closer to Jayce's, almost like an invitation. ]
And yet... [ and yet there are a good many things they have not spoken about in terms of hurting each other, isn't there? ]
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... Except maybe this subject Viktor keeps approaching. He can pick up the pieces enough of what Viktor's implying, and Jayce frowns, a little bit of irritation in his brow as he pushes himself up on his elbows.]
We don't have to talk about it. We both did things we regret, can't we just... pretend it didn't happen? Move on?
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That would be ideal, would it not? I do wish that it were that simple, Jayce. But I know of it. I know what I have done not just to you but to all those people...and you want me to simply forget it in the first place?
[ And here he will wince as that familiar headache returns, one that has persisted since his arrival here and only conjures images of his face splitting into two. He will bring a hand to his temple as those thousands of voices screaming out their dreams, their desires, ring in his head. ]
I do not think this place is that forgiving to allow me that. I do not think I am allowed to have such things either.
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We’re in a new place, with new people. No one knows us here, or knows what we’ve done. We could start over completely.
[Jayce sees Viktor wince, presumably some sort of headache from the argument they’re most certainly about to have, but Jayce doesn’t let up.]
I’m trying to put Piltover behind me because otherwise I’m going to drive myself crazy. I’m…
[He unclenches his jaw, feeling tension building in him too. His leg aches and he stares hard at it, even though it had felt fine moments ago. A psychosomatic reaction, probably. He huffs, frustrated and feeling himself closing off.]
I’m trying to be someone you still want to be around. I tell myself it’s not worth thinking about all the details because being anywhere with you is where I want to be. What do you want me to say? That I have to sleep with the lights on, because if I wake up in the complete dark, I think I’m back inside that ravine? That if I eat something too slimy, I immediately have to throw up? Sometimes my leg hurts so bad I just want to cut it off. Do you want me to blame you for all of that? Do you blame me for everything I’ve done to you?
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Someone I want to be around? How can you think that I don't? Even after everything we have done to one another, my feelings for you are still the same. I could never blame you for what you have done. [ He had made a promise to the Mage after all. To another him to do what needed to be done. To protect innocent people from getting hurt. ]
There is no one else but you for me, here or back home. However, I do not feel like I am someone you should want to be around either. [ There is so much hurt in his voice as he says it. ]
Maybe you should blame me. [ It slips out before he can even stop himself. He looks back over at Jayce with those eyes swirling with blues and grays. Blame him because he deserves it, because he needs to feel like some of the blame is his, and the pain and suffering he's caused Jayce is a sin he has to atone for here. ]
If it were not for the mage...if it were not for me- [ a thick swallow as his hexcorized hand reaches out to lightly touch Jayce's leg. ] -your leg, your mind, neither would be in such a state.
[ More than that, the cycle of pain, violence, and heartbreak would not have been continuous either. ]
I do not feel like I am someone you should want to be around because of these things. But I. I need you. When you are near the voices, the visions, the nightmares are not as...they are not as severe. The headaches... [ He just gives Jayce's this weary, tired look. ]
It is selfish of me, and I apologize.
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[He doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but he says it so suddenly it surprises even him. It’s all Jayce’s fault, after all. Viktor had warned him the Hexcore was dangerous, and Jayce is the one who not only failed to destroy it, but made it a part of Viktor’s body. How could he blame Viktor for what he did, when Jayce is the reason any of it happened?]
You wanted to help people, and I couldn’t let you go— I was so desperate to not lose you I— I corrupted your dream. [Viktor’s beautiful dream. The commune. The plants. It all could have worked, if they had done things just a little differently. If Jayce hadn’t insisted they follow the Council’s orders for seven years, and instead they jumped right to doing something actually useful and meaningful to people. No fucking around with Hexgates or lasers. Just plants. Peaceful living. It could have worked.]
How could I blame you when I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me?
[Viktor touches his leg so gently, and Jayce finally drags his eyes up to Viktor’s own. He laughs once, humorlessly. Everything feels like a cruel joke.]
What a pair. You think you’re selfish for wanting to be around me, and I thought I was selfish for wanting the same.
no subject
We both lost sight of what our dream was supposed to be. We both failed to notice that our dream was doomed from the very start. The Council would never have allowed for any of it. Picking who to blame will not change what has happened. But I created the hexcore to begin with, and in my desire to try and live, to cheat death, it changed me. My obsession with the hexcore allowed it to fully utilize that to its advantage over me. The dream it showed me was not a dream I would ever have wanted. The commune it was...it was horrifying. I. I did not help anyone; I only hurt and took from them.
[ Took from them the same things that had been taken from him his entire life, choice. Perhaps in a perfect world, it would have been different; it could have worked if things hadn't gone as horribly wrong as they had. ]
How could you ever think that I would not want to look at the man who has only ever seen me? [ He will slowly caress Jayce's cheek with his metallic thumb, that thrumming in his chest coming alive once again. ]
We are quite the selfish pair, but we are somehow managing. Not as, eh, bad as I would have imagined either. [ And here he will press his forehead against Jayce's, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief second as he speaks. ]
My dream...our dream, it all meant nothing without you.