Because I wouldn’t want to be around me, if I was you!
[He doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but he says it so suddenly it surprises even him. It’s all Jayce’s fault, after all. Viktor had warned him the Hexcore was dangerous, and Jayce is the one who not only failed to destroy it, but made it a part of Viktor’s body. How could he blame Viktor for what he did, when Jayce is the reason any of it happened?]
You wanted to help people, and I couldn’t let you go— I was so desperate to not lose you I— I corrupted your dream. [Viktor’s beautiful dream. The commune. The plants. It all could have worked, if they had done things just a little differently. If Jayce hadn’t insisted they follow the Council’s orders for seven years, and instead they jumped right to doing something actually useful and meaningful to people. No fucking around with Hexgates or lasers. Just plants. Peaceful living. It could have worked.]
How could I blame you when I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me?
[Viktor touches his leg so gently, and Jayce finally drags his eyes up to Viktor’s own. He laughs once, humorlessly. Everything feels like a cruel joke.]
What a pair. You think you’re selfish for wanting to be around me, and I thought I was selfish for wanting the same.
[ There's an almost imperceptible twitch of Viktor's fingers at that shout from the other. Not unused to such things from Jayce, he doesn't move from his spot but only turns to look at Jayce more fully. His hand is wavering as he raises it to gently cup Jayce's cheek. ]
We both lost sight of what our dream was supposed to be. We both failed to notice that our dream was doomed from the very start. The Council would never have allowed for any of it. Picking who to blame will not change what has happened. But I created the hexcore to begin with, and in my desire to try and live, to cheat death, it changed me. My obsession with the hexcore allowed it to fully utilize that to its advantage over me. The dream it showed me was not a dream I would ever have wanted. The commune it was...it was horrifying. I. I did not help anyone; I only hurt and took from them.
[ Took from them the same things that had been taken from him his entire life, choice. Perhaps in a perfect world, it would have been different; it could have worked if things hadn't gone as horribly wrong as they had. ]
How could you ever think that I would not want to look at the man who has only ever seen me? [ He will slowly caress Jayce's cheek with his metallic thumb, that thrumming in his chest coming alive once again. ]
We are quite the selfish pair, but we are somehow managing. Not as, eh, bad as I would have imagined either. [ And here he will press his forehead against Jayce's, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief second as he speaks. ]
My dream...our dream, it all meant nothing without you.
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[He doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but he says it so suddenly it surprises even him. It’s all Jayce’s fault, after all. Viktor had warned him the Hexcore was dangerous, and Jayce is the one who not only failed to destroy it, but made it a part of Viktor’s body. How could he blame Viktor for what he did, when Jayce is the reason any of it happened?]
You wanted to help people, and I couldn’t let you go— I was so desperate to not lose you I— I corrupted your dream. [Viktor’s beautiful dream. The commune. The plants. It all could have worked, if they had done things just a little differently. If Jayce hadn’t insisted they follow the Council’s orders for seven years, and instead they jumped right to doing something actually useful and meaningful to people. No fucking around with Hexgates or lasers. Just plants. Peaceful living. It could have worked.]
How could I blame you when I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me?
[Viktor touches his leg so gently, and Jayce finally drags his eyes up to Viktor’s own. He laughs once, humorlessly. Everything feels like a cruel joke.]
What a pair. You think you’re selfish for wanting to be around me, and I thought I was selfish for wanting the same.
no subject
We both lost sight of what our dream was supposed to be. We both failed to notice that our dream was doomed from the very start. The Council would never have allowed for any of it. Picking who to blame will not change what has happened. But I created the hexcore to begin with, and in my desire to try and live, to cheat death, it changed me. My obsession with the hexcore allowed it to fully utilize that to its advantage over me. The dream it showed me was not a dream I would ever have wanted. The commune it was...it was horrifying. I. I did not help anyone; I only hurt and took from them.
[ Took from them the same things that had been taken from him his entire life, choice. Perhaps in a perfect world, it would have been different; it could have worked if things hadn't gone as horribly wrong as they had. ]
How could you ever think that I would not want to look at the man who has only ever seen me? [ He will slowly caress Jayce's cheek with his metallic thumb, that thrumming in his chest coming alive once again. ]
We are quite the selfish pair, but we are somehow managing. Not as, eh, bad as I would have imagined either. [ And here he will press his forehead against Jayce's, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief second as he speaks. ]
My dream...our dream, it all meant nothing without you.