[He swallows hard, a lump in his throat that won't go away. He's felt like he's been on the edge of frustrated tears for hours now. Annoying, stupid, childish.]
Didn't want to burden you with this.
[It's not an uncommon thing for him to do. Viktor runs off and doesn't tell Jayce where he went; Jayce can't hide where he goes but he can try to hide his worries. Tightly wound up like a spool of thread, every little bit of spilled over emotion feels like it threatens to unravel him.]
Sorry.
[Even if they're on the move, Jayce grabs Viktor by the hand, and selfishly pulls him into a hug.]
[ The hug is...unexpected, but Viktor assumes such things would be for him especially. Despite what's happened at the camp, he still feels uncertain about their everything. But it's small moments like this that make him feel warm in a way that only Jayce can, it seems. His own hexcorized, gloved hand will come up to lightly touch Jayce's back. That surprised expression turned into fondness and a gentle concern as he huffs. ]
Not telling one another things...is how we ended up where we were back home. I'd like to try to fix that and avoid a repeated mistake. It's the only way to learn, is it not?
[ He does smile where Jayce can't see it, but he can probably hear it in Viktor's voice. ] It's different here, us, and this place. We are at odds with things beyond our understanding. So it-it only makes sense to share the burden, especially when it comes to hextech. [ And then said a bit softer. ]
And you may talk to me about other things too, if you ever want.
[Jayce doesn’t pull back right away, like he might if this hug happened before they talked about how they felt. He holds Viktor close, firm but not too tight, his nose nuzzling into the soft small curls of Viktor’s hair and nape, breathing in his scent. It’s grounding to just be able to close his eyes and feel someone, wrap his arms around them and let their heart pump against his own. He always wonders why he bothers with ever letting go. Can’t he just hold Viktor like this, forever?
…Viktor probably wouldn’t like that. Jayce gives one last deep inhale and sighs as he finally releases Viktor, keeping his hands on Viktor’s hip and shoulder for an extended minute or two.]
You’re right.
[As always.]
But I don’t want to worry you. Stress doesn’t help your condition. And if I told you about the things I’m worried about, you’d get stressed out too.
Jayce. [ His expression is pointedly annoyed. ] The stress from you keeping things like almost starting a war between us and another group of people over our life's work is also not doing anything for my stress.
[ Said with a slight cough afterwards, but he covers his mouth with his hand. ] I will always stress when it comes to you-to us, and our work.
[ But that was just ingrained into his being at this point. 7 years in the making. ] Sometimes the need to bear the burden alone is justified. But I can't make you speak about it, only offer to listen should you choose to do so.
[ And here he'll place his hand on the one that's on his hip with a small, albeit tired, look. ]
[Jayce exhales quietly, listening but trying to recall if Viktor's voice always sounded this thin, or if it's worsened. He takes Viktor's ungloved hand and lifts it to his lips, placing a kiss on it.]
I'll tell you everything. Everything from Piltover, everything I can think of from here. Some of it's... harder to talk about. But I'll try. I don't want to make the same mistakes again- with us.
[ Viktor flusters and scoffs slightly at the sudden kiss?? Jayce, please, his heart cannot take such things. He also coughs again as he looks away, moving to only slightly pull his hand out of Jayce's grasp. But there's very little strength or urgency in the way he does it.
He looks worn down, but he does try his best not to look it. He knows Jayce worried,s and he knows the other has been pushing himself for his sake. ] Neither do I. We only have each other here, so it's best to make the best of it, no?
[ It's not about that, is what he wants to say. It's about the worry that comes with it and the tiredness he feels about his body slowly eroding around him more than anything. ]
I simply do not wish to give you more to worry over. [ It's a muted and muttered response as he looks away. The ever-growing clock counting down to his final moments hangs between them both as an invisible threat. But they both know just how real it is. Every day, every second, it all matters when it comes to Viktor and his health. ] And I wish you didn't. Know what it sounds and looks like.
[ Viktor doesn't shy away this time but moves into Jayce's hand as he closes his eyes momentarily. His expression weary as he sighs and lifts his own hand to cover Jayce's. He nods slightly with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ]
I have...asked a few people for their help regarding the matter. Both Accelerator and Kirk to be precise. Kirk seems more than willing to offer up the nanomachines in his blood to help me. And at this point, I am running out of time and options.
[ Trials. Viktor wasn't even thinking about how long that would take. It would be the proper way to go, of course, but time is not on his side, especially now. ]
That would take time, Jayce. I'm not sure how long my body...can hold out for.
[ He doesn't know, truthfully, how much time he has. It's a miracle he's lasted this long, is what he thinks every day. ] But it would obviously be the more sensible route to take.
[ But they both don't exactly have a good track record of being that, do they? ]
[It would be, but sense is the first thing out the window when it comes to saving Viktor's life. He had said they'd do trials when he spoke to Harold about this... But he knows Kirk didn't have time for trials either. The cost that came with that was fairly huge, but as Jayce has insisted time and time again: it still saved Kirk's life. At the behest of others, but it did what he had set out to do.]
We will, yes. [ His expression is strained as he gives another silent nod of his head.
But even if they don't and he still dies, death isn't permanent here, so that in and of itself might yield something they could use. ] I have been thinking...do you suppose my body would reset itself to the point of when I first arrived here? Before its further decline? [ If I die is the unsaid words. ]
It is something to consider, to take away some of the stress. [ But even as he says that, his hand gripping his crutch shakes ever so slightly. He has always feared it, death, and what it does to someone who is trying to outrun it. ]
The first time, yes. [ Not an option he says but it is a damning truth that they both will have to consider. Viktor looks at Jayce as he grabs him with both hands, weariness in his eyes, but also a strained apology as well.
He knows the word Jayce doesn't speak, and it's written clearly in his expression as well. ]
I found someone new, too. His name's Peter— works in all the right areas we're looking for. Nanotechnology, artificial intelligence, coding... With him, Kirk, maybe Accelerator— [Not Harold.] —we'll make it work.
[He forces a smile onto his face, like he's done before.]
Ah. I believe we've spoken before as well, on the train. He was quite talented and smart, too. I have no qualms about him helping, either, if you think he could help us.
[ He knows a forced smile when he sees one, and he can tell Jayce is stressed out. So for some much-needed levity, he'll try a subject change. ]
For now. Let's go to the library. I would like to see what this television is that you mentioned.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He swallows hard, a lump in his throat that won't go away. He's felt like he's been on the edge of frustrated tears for hours now. Annoying, stupid, childish.]
Didn't want to burden you with this.
[It's not an uncommon thing for him to do. Viktor runs off and doesn't tell Jayce where he went; Jayce can't hide where he goes but he can try to hide his worries. Tightly wound up like a spool of thread, every little bit of spilled over emotion feels like it threatens to unravel him.]
Sorry.
[Even if they're on the move, Jayce grabs Viktor by the hand, and selfishly pulls him into a hug.]
no subject
Not telling one another things...is how we ended up where we were back home. I'd like to try to fix that and avoid a repeated mistake. It's the only way to learn, is it not?
[ He does smile where Jayce can't see it, but he can probably hear it in Viktor's voice. ] It's different here, us, and this place. We are at odds with things beyond our understanding. So it-it only makes sense to share the burden, especially when it comes to hextech. [ And then said a bit softer. ]
And you may talk to me about other things too, if you ever want.
no subject
…Viktor probably wouldn’t like that. Jayce gives one last deep inhale and sighs as he finally releases Viktor, keeping his hands on Viktor’s hip and shoulder for an extended minute or two.]
You’re right.
[As always.]
But I don’t want to worry you. Stress doesn’t help your condition. And if I told you about the things I’m worried about, you’d get stressed out too.
no subject
[ Said with a slight cough afterwards, but he covers his mouth with his hand. ] I will always stress when it comes to you-to us, and our work.
[ But that was just ingrained into his being at this point. 7 years in the making. ] Sometimes the need to bear the burden alone is justified. But I can't make you speak about it, only offer to listen should you choose to do so.
[ And here he'll place his hand on the one that's on his hip with a small, albeit tired, look. ]
no subject
I'll tell you everything. Everything from Piltover, everything I can think of from here. Some of it's... harder to talk about. But I'll try. I don't want to make the same mistakes again- with us.
no subject
He looks worn down, but he does try his best not to look it. He knows Jayce worried,s and he knows the other has been pushing himself for his sake. ] Neither do I. We only have each other here, so it's best to make the best of it, no?
no subject
[He swallows hard, releases Viktor's hand as he pulls away.]
You don't have to hide every time you cough, you know. I mean, it's you. I know what your cough looks and sounds like by now.
[Keeps the thoughts of you could cough on me and I wouldn't even care, how's that any different than someone spitting in my mouth? to himself.]
no subject
I simply do not wish to give you more to worry over. [ It's a muted and muttered response as he looks away. The ever-growing clock counting down to his final moments hangs between them both as an invisible threat. But they both know just how real it is. Every day, every second, it all matters when it comes to Viktor and his health. ] And I wish you didn't. Know what it sounds and looks like.
[ He hated that part most of all. ]
no subject
"It only makes sense to share the burden," right?
no subject
I have...asked a few people for their help regarding the matter. Both Accelerator and Kirk to be precise. Kirk seems more than willing to offer up the nanomachines in his blood to help me. And at this point, I am running out of time and options.
no subject
[Animal trials, or even... human trials? Before they jump right to putting them into Viktor first.]
no subject
That would take time, Jayce. I'm not sure how long my body...can hold out for.
[ He doesn't know, truthfully, how much time he has. It's a miracle he's lasted this long, is what he thinks every day. ] But it would obviously be the more sensible route to take.
[ But they both don't exactly have a good track record of being that, do they? ]
no subject
...
We'll get it right the first time.
no subject
But even if they don't and he still dies, death isn't permanent here, so that in and of itself might yield something they could use. ] I have been thinking...do you suppose my body would reset itself to the point of when I first arrived here? Before its further decline? [ If I die is the unsaid words. ]
It is something to consider, to take away some of the stress. [ But even as he says that, his hand gripping his crutch shakes ever so slightly. He has always feared it, death, and what it does to someone who is trying to outrun it. ]
no subject
[Jayce is quick to say, both hands on Viktor now, like if he could just hold onto him physically, he'll never lose him.]
Even if it did reset, when someone dies here, they still lose something. A memory, a sense. What if you go blind, what if you forget... [me?]
[He lets the unsaid word hang in the air, lips twitching in an unstable frown, like he's holding back another emotional flood.]
We'll get it right the first time.
[If he says it enough times, it'll come true, like a wish on a star.]
no subject
He knows the word Jayce doesn't speak, and it's written clearly in his expression as well. ]
We have help. So I have no doubts that we will.
no subject
[He forces a smile onto his face, like he's done before.]
no subject
[ He knows a forced smile when he sees one, and he can tell Jayce is stressed out. So for some much-needed levity, he'll try a subject change. ]
For now. Let's go to the library. I would like to see what this television is that you mentioned.