[ Jayce watches as Viktor's expression changes, trying to take in and figure out what each shift means. What it means for what Viktor is feeling or what he's going to do. Jayce wants to know what he's going to do, if he's going to leave again. He has every right to. He has every right to be angry. He has every right to be hurt.
But Jayce still feels bad about it. He hates when Viktor's upset with him and he's hurting because of something he'd done. Even worse when he's angry at him. But he knows he deserves it, he's not in denial about what he took part in - he's not deny8ing he willfully went against Viktor's wishes with the hope that he would keep the most previous person in his life alive, even if for only a moment longer.
A life without Viktor just sounds unbearable to him. And the longer he's been gone from Jayce's life, the more he understands it. And then Viktor asks. He catches his breath, feeling words caught in his throat. ]
What we made was hurting the Undercity. Taking whatever they had. We were making the runes angry in Piltover and the Undercity was paying for it. When we checked on the core of it all - I got pulled to that other world. [ He looks down, staring at the floor. He no longer wants to look Viktor in the eyes as pieces together the parts that are important. ]
That world where Piltover and Zaun were nothing. When I finally got out...I met the mage who saved me as a kid. It had to have been months. I don't know, I didn't keep track of it. But a long time. Long enough that even when I got back a lot had changed. [ He moves his fingers over the rune in his wrist. ]
You already know that the mage did this to me. But... [ Another piece of the confession. ] My time there. It's not just how I look, or when I seem -- different. I see and hear things all the time. Whispers and images. I was sure you weren't real when I got here. [ Hmm...anyway. ]
The mage told me to end it. So...I did, I thought. But it's not over. When I go home, I have to finish what I started. We have to. And I'm going to do anything I can to bring you back so we can. [ The parts that Viktor needs to know, he thinks, are said. Because even if he had killed Viktor in that commune, Viktor hadn't really died. He was back again. In a way, at least. ]
But ultimately...yes. You died. Right there in the Council Room because anything after that wasn't you. [ But, he also wants to make something - one thing - painfully clear. ]
Viktor, I want you to understand something. I would do anything to keep you alive and by my side. Anything. [ Including the things he did already. He doesn't think he needs to repeat them. ]
I would do anything to have you back because that's the only thing I've wanted and I was too caught up in everything to realize it while you were alive. But the thought of a world without you was unbearable. And I guess part of me knew I could deal with a you who was angry at me rather than no you at all.
[ There's something else on the tip of his tongue, the words linger. But he wants to give Viktor a chance to hear him. A chance to reject him. ]
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But Jayce still feels bad about it. He hates when Viktor's upset with him and he's hurting because of something he'd done. Even worse when he's angry at him. But he knows he deserves it, he's not in denial about what he took part in - he's not deny8ing he willfully went against Viktor's wishes with the hope that he would keep the most previous person in his life alive, even if for only a moment longer.
A life without Viktor just sounds unbearable to him. And the longer he's been gone from Jayce's life, the more he understands it. And then Viktor asks. He catches his breath, feeling words caught in his throat. ]
What we made was hurting the Undercity. Taking whatever they had. We were making the runes angry in Piltover and the Undercity was paying for it. When we checked on the core of it all - I got pulled to that other world. [ He looks down, staring at the floor. He no longer wants to look Viktor in the eyes as pieces together the parts that are important. ]
That world where Piltover and Zaun were nothing. When I finally got out...I met the mage who saved me as a kid. It had to have been months. I don't know, I didn't keep track of it. But a long time. Long enough that even when I got back a lot had changed. [ He moves his fingers over the rune in his wrist. ]
You already know that the mage did this to me. But... [ Another piece of the confession. ] My time there. It's not just how I look, or when I seem -- different. I see and hear things all the time. Whispers and images. I was sure you weren't real when I got here. [ Hmm...anyway. ]
The mage told me to end it. So...I did, I thought. But it's not over. When I go home, I have to finish what I started. We have to. And I'm going to do anything I can to bring you back so we can. [ The parts that Viktor needs to know, he thinks, are said. Because even if he had killed Viktor in that commune, Viktor hadn't really died. He was back again. In a way, at least. ]
But ultimately...yes. You died. Right there in the Council Room because anything after that wasn't you. [ But, he also wants to make something - one thing - painfully clear. ]
Viktor, I want you to understand something. I would do anything to keep you alive and by my side. Anything. [ Including the things he did already. He doesn't think he needs to repeat them. ]
I would do anything to have you back because that's the only thing I've wanted and I was too caught up in everything to realize it while you were alive. But the thought of a world without you was unbearable. And I guess part of me knew I could deal with a you who was angry at me rather than no you at all.
[ There's something else on the tip of his tongue, the words linger. But he wants to give Viktor a chance to hear him. A chance to reject him. ]